Any suggestions how to handle this?

We don’t “control” children in Montessori; we set up the environment properly and then give them direction and teach them grace and courtesy. I’ve written about grace and courtesy here (start with the first post at the bottom – you’ll want to read all the posts) and classroom management here. That’s a ton of info to get you started!

As an example, the allowance system (in my opinion) used as a contingency on chores accomplished teaches children only to work only to earn. While they do need to realize eventually that we need money to survive (ie pay power bills and rent/mortgage), teaching them to work ONLY for materialistic gain denies children the opportunity to experience their full potential. That said, I DO believe in allowance specifically to teach money management and budgeting but it should not ever be tied to chores.

Look at us as adults now (those of us who were raised with materialistic rewards). How many times do we promise ourselves tangible incentives in order to get motivated to do housework or a work related project? If we reach our goal we buy our chocolate bar or mocha or take our trip to the Bahamas, and when it’s all done/gone we are right back where we started crying about feeling empty and becoming workaholics in order to get the bigger, better reward at the end. If we do NOT meet our goal we focus on the failure. How many of us take the time to savour the little steps we DID accomplish? Rarely do we find our self talk sounding like “so I didn’t finish the project but MAN did I ever learn something about myself in the process!” No. Instead we feel like we failed. And THIS is what we set our own children up for by using reward systems.

Uhh … in my opinion, anyway. Again with the getting carried away…..I guess this sparked more passion in me then I originally realized.

Alanna, I think that Kohn would say even in a situation where a child was endangering another child, there should not be a consequence or punishment. A child should be stopped from the action, and talked to about it, but most of all, the adult should be analyzing the situation to see what can change and what/why the child is acting that way.

In that situation, I would just take the ruler away, not bother giving a “If you do this, this will happen” statement. Kohn might see that as a consequence, but if you think about it, even talking to a child about their behavior could be seen as a consequence…which is definitely something Kohn’s critics would mention when criticizing his conclusions.

Really, logical consequences are meant to be a sort of last resort teaching measure in the case where it is UNSAFE to allow a natural consequence to occur. With this in mind, the only circumstances under which a teacher SHOULD be imposing ANY consequence would be if someones safety is threatened by the child’s behavior – such as that child or a classmate or other child that could be in danger – and the child responsible for the dangerous act has not yet learned how to behave safely. That said, if there IS a safety issue involved, one would hope the teacher would be acting immediately to remove the danger and not wasting precious time with “If you xxx then yyy will happen” (now Johnny, if you continue to strike that child with a ruler in the eyeball, you will lose ruler priveleges) O.O!!

Two of my children attend public school – we live in an area where the only options are public, Catholic, and homeschooling – which many parents shy away from because of the stigma that remains from older generations that homeschooling is a combination of lazy parenting and the desire to engage in extended vacations whenever the whim strikes. In one week I am about to embark on the stigma-strewn journey of homeschooling for many reasons – many of which are linked to the degree of control the teachers in the public school system seem to believe they have over not just the children in their care, but the child’s parents as well. Should I gain some confidence with this, I will be following suit with the other two shortly thereafter.

Anyway, I realize I got off topic here. But I just wanted to share my 2 cents.