She will be presenting a talk on the importance of the natural world to children at the AMS conference in San Francisco next March, focusing specifically on the adverse effects of screen time for children. I thought it would be good to talk to her about the topic of children and culture, and she was kind enough to answer my questions. Let’s jump right in!

Lori: Thank you so much for taking the time to answer my questions. Before we get into cultural influences, let’s talk about the first plane of development. What are the tasks and needs of the 0-3 child?

Donohue: Infants and toddlers are busy acquiring basic independent functions, i.e. becoming upright and learning to walk, learning to talk, learning to get dressed, learning to eat and mastering the toileting process.

As Dr. Montessori said, children of this age learn best through movement; their intelligence grows through movement, so this is why we see the non-stop, hands-on direct engagement with their environment. They are joyous explorers of everything. What they need is a consistent routine and caregivers who understand, model and facilitate the work at this age: self-mastery for basic skills.

They also need freedom to move about and fascinating three-dimensional items with which to engage. And most importantly, they need to be honored for the age and developmental stage they are at right now. Very young children cannot be reasoned with, they cannot wait, they cannot stop moving, they do not grasp abstract concepts and if the input is too fast and furious, they are easily overwhelmed.

Lori: It’s interesting to hear you list those qualities, because so often we think of those as negative but really it’s just a characteristic of that age group. What about 3-6?

Donohue: Children in 3-6 are taking all that input from the first three years and learning to organize it so that it makes sense and becomes personally useful. Still in the period of the absorbent mind, they are increasing their gross and fine motor development; their language becomes more sophisticated; they now engage memory and can wait. They are excited to make their bodies come under the command of their minds and they are working on figuring out what is real. They need hands-on experiences offered at their pace.

This is the time to offer reasonable reality, that is, reality at their development plane, which is different than for older children. This age child is working on making the connection between the three-dimensional world and how it is represented in language and pictures. Their language development is crossing the semi-abstract bridge into reading, writing and thinking.

For example, do animals talk? If the input coming at the child is predominantly talking animals, then there is confusion as to what animals really do. As an alternative, we offer reasonable reality, which is exposure to real animals at the appropriate level of encounter. And then we offer that semi-abstract bridge: accurate representations of that animal that connect back to the child’s real world encounter with that animal. This includes accurate pictures and the word labels for that accurate picture.

Think about how many concepts there are to form. Children of this age need us to offer real world experiences at their level and then accurate representations of that real world. With all that to do, there’s not much time in the day for “entertainment”.

Lori: What about children in the second plane of development (6-12)? What are their tasks and needs?

Donohue: Children now have their foundation laid for self-efficacy and are ready and eager to engage in the larger world. They have moved out of the period of the absorbent mind and their intellectual capacity and thirst expands exponentially. They are physically strong and steady, so that they can focus on expanding social and intellectual engagement with others.

Imagination is now a tool for discovery. This child needs the larger picture of the human-made and natural world presented as a puzzle to be solved, e.g. how high, how old, how big, how long ago, etc. until all the questions they can think of are answered. The first plane of development, that grounding in reality, now is the basis for further exploration, elaboration, and imaginings.

The elementary child needs the world offered in fascinating stories of the big picture, then lots of time and opportunity to get into the myriad details that comprise the bigger picture. They need hands-on, three-dimensional tools to help create the bridge to abstraction and they need to solve problems, both intellectual and social as well as physical.

Lori: How can parents make the best choices for their children when it comes to entertainment (movies, TV, video games, music)?

Donohue: Based on what the child needs at each level of development, as stated earlier, here is what parents might ask themselves in making these decisions:

~ Why am I offering this entertainment to this age child?
~ How does it further meet his needs and honor his tasks?

Lori: Good questions! It can be very hard to know what is appropriate or not. Can you give a specific example of a movie or TV show that is marketed to kids but is extremely inappropriate for young children?

Donohue: Currently, there is the second coming of the Happy Feet franchise. It burst on the scene five years ago and made a gagillion dollars, scaring little children all across America. It’s back and who knows what horrors are in store for our children this time. I wrote a review of the original Happy Feet which you can find on my website. P. Donohue Shortridge. Click on the Articles & Essays page and then look under the “For Parents” section.

I recently sent out an email to a lot of parents and Montessorians about the Happy Feet Two movie because I am so concerned about young children being exposed to it.

My concerns with this movie relate to:

• Young children being exposed to the incredibly fast-paced clips
• The relentless sound track and the rapid-fire dialog
• The movie’s content

Modern animation is sped up even faster than in the past. It is designed to bypass the frontal lobes where critical thinking occurs and be directly absorbed into the mid-brain where our emotions reign. Animators admit learning lessons from advertisers. Young children do not have the mature cognitive ability to process what is coming at them at this frenzied, hyper pace; it’s called cognitive overload. Happy Feet Two will also be available in 3D, which only intensifies the overload.

And as to my content-concerns, parents and children will see the trailer for Happy Feet Two everywhere in the next few weeks as part of the sophisticated marketing campaign for this sequel. Cute penguins with anthropomorphic faces and Elijah Wood’s voice (Frodo, for goodness sake); who could resist? Marketers further lure parents by use of adult humor and big name stars.

For Happy Feet Two, they’ve ramped up the star power by adding Matt Damon and Brad Pitt to the cast. However, the trailers do not always show what is in the movie itself. This was true of the first movie. To investigate for yourself, I invite you to watch the trailer for Happy Feet; then go to my website and read my review of that movie. The trailer belies what is actually in the movie. The content in the original Happy Feet was not appropriate for young children.

Will the content in the sequel be as unsuitable for young children? The original grossed almost $400 million and both movies have same writer, director and production company, so what would be different? I’ve been carefully watching the various trailers for Happy Feet Two splashed all over the television and already noticed two concerning incidents: a large sea creature gobbles a small innocent one who is frantically trying to escape, and in another scene, a sexy adult female penguin says at one point, “I’m getting a stalking vibe.”

I suggest that if you are seriously thinking of taking your young child to see Happy Feet Two that you go see it yourself first and then decide.

Lori: I think that’s really eye-opening because of the contradiction between the marketing of the movie and the actual content. I think it happens a lot.

Donohue: Look, parents are trying to figure out something to do with their children. So they do with their children what they used to do on their own – go to the movies. But ask yourself, why are you doing this? Just because it is out there enticing you to come on in, is it a good idea that you do so?

A recent piece of research suggests that many parents don’t really know what to do with their children, so they take them to restaurants, to Starbucks, to the movies, and put them in organized sports. Little children cannot handle all this very well. Of course they will cope, but is that what we really want for them?

Lori: Based on what you’ve said so far, I have to ask you: Is there anything positive to be found for kids in popular culture?

Donohue: I’m still looking for it.

Lori: How can parents make good choices about what their kids hear, see, and do?

Donohue: Again, if parents can understand what their child needs at this developmental moment, this can be the foundation for answering any question that comes up. OK, so I have a 13-month-old, who is working on walking every waking moment of his life, is this a good time to take a road trip with my child? I have a four-year-old, for example, is this the time to go to Disneyland?

We often remember our own childhoods older than our child is now. We don’t remember much of our years younger than six years old. So don’t rush it, keep it simple when they are younger, and keep it real when they get older. The key is to be sure to pay attention to where your child is right now.

Lori: How can we counteract things we want to keep our child from but they hear about anyway (from school, neighbors, family, etc)?

Donohue: Well, we can pretty much be in charge of what our children under three-years-old are exposed to because the parents pretty much have dominion over how that age-child spends his every waking moment. Or should have.

Children age 3-6? Again, this age child should pretty much be moving from home to Montessori school and back home again. Once in awhile, this 4-year-old will see and hear something disturbing. The antidote is lots of time in free-play nature. Make that negative experience become a smaller and smaller percentage of the child’s life by offering reasonable reality at his level. Then make a note to self to avoid/minimize that encounter in the future.

That would include things such as using the DVR so that your five year old won’t see that stupid commercial for the sarcastic comedy show that is advertised during the baseball game dad and child are watching together.

It could also include a talk with babysitter, grandparents and older siblings about what is and is not permissible for your young child to see. I would also avoid loud restaurants that blare the television and so forth. Back in early times, parents had to figure out how to keep the children safe from scary creatures that wanted to come in the cave; today, parents have the same protective job to do.

The difference is, and thus the challenge is that it was easy to tell the scary things back then; a bear is a threat to both adult and child, but today, that which seems “harmless” to adults is still scary and inappropriate to children, thus parents need a keen understanding of that which is inappropriate for children of different ages.

Lori: Any advice for divorced parents whose ex-spouse does not share their values?

Donohue: There is no good answer to this question. Divorce is a disaster for children, period. With that being said, offer what is appropriate at your house. One would hope that divorcing parents would be grown up enough to talk through these issues. When talking to the other parent, state what you are seeing, “When Nathan came home last week, he had nightmares two nights in a row and talked about the show he saw with you.” State facts and ask for cooperation. Keep your cool and don’t make it personal. And of course, never talk about the child in front of him.

Lori: We’ve talked a lot about negative things to keep our kids from – what should we be steering them towards, value-wise?

Donohue: For children under six, as much time as possible in free-range nature beyond the playground. Simple routines, lots of sleep, and no screen time.

For children over six, anything that engages their mind and body working together: this includes making things, chores, pick-up games freely chosen, pet care, gardening or other out-of doors activities. Some families value service to others; offer this at age-level appropriateness.

I would limit screen time to one hour a day and that includes everything added up: TV, DVDs, computers, smart phones, iPad, etc. And all of it supervised and chaperoned. Make a movie-watching experience on the weekend a big deal family affair. Think of it as a special event rather than the consistent background hum.

Lori: I think you have excellent suggestions and I really hope parents are listening to what you are saying. It’s easy to get defensive about the choices we make for our children but really, it’s not about us: it’s about them and what is important for their development. Thank you so much for taking the time to talk to me!

Donohue: Thank you, Lori!

For more information on the services that Donohue provides for Montessori homes and schools, and to read her essays about Montessori and parenting, please visit P. Donohue Shortridge.

Searching for Montessori

First I would recommend doing a Google search for “montessori school ________” with the blank being the city, town, state, or province that you live in. When schools list their addresses at their websites, which most do, Google can return good results that show you the websites for any schools in your area.

Many Montessori schools have Google “Place Pages”, which are pages that are separate from the school’s actual website, but have helpful information like the location and hours of operation.

Place Pages often have reviews left by other people (along with star ratings), so you can read those for the school you’re interested in. Online reviews can be helpful if taken in context with other information, so take the reviews with a grain of salt. You can also ask people in your neighborhood or community if they have any experience with the school in question or if they can provide any helpful info.

AMS and AMI

You can also search at the American Montessori Society (AMS) website, by state or country, to find schools that are affiliated with AMS: AMS: Find a School. Keep in mind that “affiliation” simply means that the school has joined AMS by paying the yearly fee. This designation is not an assurance of school quality. However, if a school is accredited by AMS, then the school has undergone a long process of evaluation and should be a high-quality school.

The AMS website typically tells you the location, hours of operation, and some info about the school, like the ages it serves and programs it offers. They also have the school’s phone number and email address so that you can contact them with questions.

You can do the same kind of search at the Association Montessori Internationale (AMI) website, for schools that are approved by AMI. Currently only schools in the US can obtain a “Certificate of Recognition”; you can search for them here: AMI/USA School Locator.

Montessori School Finder App

There is also a Montessori app for smartphones (like iPhones) that you can download that will enable you to search for Montessori schools. You can find it here: Welcome to Montessori App. I haven’t used it, so I can’t speak to its helpfulness, but if any of you have, please share your thoughts!

What to Look For

Finding a school is only a first step. The next step is to make sure the school is high quality and is truly practicing the Montessori method. There is only one way to determine that: by observing the school yourself. All good Montessori schools have an “open door” policy so that prospective parents can come to the school, meet the administrators and staff, and observe a classroom.

If you’re not sure what to look for, here’s a helpful post: Top Ten Things to Look for in a Montessori School.

As much as I’d like to be able, I cannot give any suggestions or recommendations as to the quality of Montessori schools around the US or the rest of the world. So this is something you’ll have to investigate for yourself. Luckily the internet provides lots of resources for finding and evaluating Montessori schools.

1. Mindware – Brainy Toys for Kids of All Ages

This catalog specializes in toys that encourage strategy, critical thinking, and other cognitive skills. Standouts include Qwirkle (pictured), an award-winning game for the whole family, and original coloring books that feature three-dimensional, geometric, and kaleidoscopic designs.

2. Learning Express Toys

This fun company has a wide array of great toys, including science kits, a microscope set, art activities, blocks, and many hands-on toys that stimulate imagination and creativity.

3. Montessori n’ Such

Not only does M n’ S have a vast selection of Montessori-type materials (matching cards, objects, and animals for sorting and classification), but they also have wooden toddler and preschool toys, as well as hands-on activities for astronomy, geology, and biology.

4. Acorn Naturalists – Resources for the Trail and Classroom

This store has a lot of great nature items that you can’t find anywhere else, including materials for studying animal tracks, life cycles, the seasons, and weather. My kids love the 2-way magnifying viewer and the animal puppets.

5. Museum Tour

Browsing the Museum Tour catalog or website is like walking through the world’s largest museum gift shop. Amazing toys, games, and activities of every kind are featured. Topics include space, physics, architecture, and history. I’m partial to the ArchiQuest creative building system (pictured) which features wooden blocks printed with beautiful detailed designs inspired by architecture around the world.

6. HearthSong – Toys You’ll Feel Good About Giving

This catalog features beautiful, high-quality toys and activities. I love the award-winning Connectagons building set (pictured) and a wide array of science kits and activities.

7. Michael Olaf Montessori Company

This perennial favorite of Montessori schools worldwide features all the “stuff” that makes Montessori classrooms such a feast for the senses. Colorful mobiles, wooden rattles, and tiny chairs are part of the delightful offerings for 0-3; educational posters, art cards, and books about the history of language and math are featured in the 6-12 catalog. They offer some of their products for online purchase, and you can request a catalog to see their full line of products.

8. Young Explorers – Creative Educational Products

This catalog emphasizes hands-on, intriguing toys and activities that make science fun. I like the Smithsonian Crystal Growing Kit (pictured) and the Snap Circuits Alternative Energy Kit.

9. For Small Hands – A Resource for Families

This helpful catalog has everything you need to make your house a Montessori home. From tiny pitchers and vases to child-size brooms, gardening tools, and aprons, everything is high-quality and supports the Montessori philosophy of independence.

Any more great places to shop, or ideas for fantastic educational gifts? Please share!

Just a note: I have not been compensated in any way by any of these companies. I’ve ordered from each of them, many more than once, and have always been pleased with the products and the customer service. If you have questions about products, shipping, or availability, please contact that specific company directly through their website.

How can you know if your child will do well in Montessori?

Montessori is the ideal way to learn, but it works best when:

1) The child starts Montessori at age 3 or soon after

2) The child stays in Montessori consistently

3) The home is run in a Montessori fashion (quality wooden toys rather than electronic ones; limited TV; lots of reading and outdoor time; children are taught to respect others)

4) The child’s school is an authentic Montessori environment

5) The parents understand Montessori and see their child’s education as long-term rather than expecting instant results or changes, and respects the teachers’ knowledge and training

6) The attitude of the parent: staying positive in spite of bumps in the road, volunteering at the school or PTO, and encouraging your child

Any variation from those 6 points will affect how well a child adjusts to a Montessori program and how much they will thrive in Montessori.

So, as a parent, you can see that you are in charge of many of these factors:

1) You can put your child in a Montessori school as soon as is feasible

2) You can keep your child in a Montessori program rather than pulling them out and putting them back in

3) You can run your home in a Montessori fashion (See: How to Raise an Amazing Child the Montessori Way)

4) You can check the school out thoroughly, including observation, feedback from other parents, and its reputation in the community (See my post about What to Look for in a Montessori School)

5) You can educate yourself regarding the Montessori philosophy (there’s so much information available online) and treat your child’s teachers with respect

6) Maintain a positive attitude and become involved at your child’s school

Here are a few characteristics of your child that could influence the outcome:

1) The child’s personality plays a role. A child who is flexible and adjusts easily to new situations will adjust more easily to any new environment, including Montessori

2) If the child has special needs, that may play a role in how well they do in Montessori (see my recent post about Montessori and the Special Needs Child for more information)

3) This is probably the most important one: if your child has spent any amount of time in a traditional education setting where they have received grades and rewards, where learning is a matter of “filling in the blank” with the right answer, and where the teacher is the ultimate authority, it may be very difficult for them to adapt to Montessori

Current brain research tells us that the Montessori method is the natural way to learn, one that follows the child’s own instincts and inner motivation. When a child starts Montessori at an early age, they are invited to learn with their hands, discover things on their own, and follow their own interests.

If that natural learning pattern is disrupted by time spent in a traditional education setting, it can be very difficult for the child to leave behind the grades and rewards and feel that they are in charge of their own educational journey. That is why we always recommend a child start Montessori by age 3, before grades and rewards become part of the curriculum.

You can’t know for sure how your child will do in Montessori until they try it. Even if you are doing your best to be the right kind of “Montessori parent”, things may not work out. Or your child may love it. So I recommend that parents become as informed as they can, and then try it! The vast majority of children love the Montessori method and thrive in Montessori.

What can you do if your child starts Montessori and seems to be struggling?

Sometimes the teachers have brought in “non-Montessori” things like rewards, worksheets, and too much homework. Other times there the child has a behavioral or learning issue that is causing a problem. Sometimes, unfortunately, there is bullying.

The first thing to do is sit down and talk with your child’s teacher, preferably one-on-one. Perhaps there is something they can change in the classroom to help your child adjust. Perhaps there is something you can change at home. Perhaps if they know more about your child and what makes them “tick”, things will improve. But nothing can happen until you talk to them.

If communication with your child’s teacher seems like a struggle (for instance, it seems like they are treating your child unfairly, or are not committed to helping your child succeed), request a conference with the teacher and the school director. Talk things over before making a decision to pull your child out of school.

Another thing to keep in mind is to give it time. Children take time to adjust to a new school of any kind; it can take time to make friends, to feel comfortable in the classroom, to learn how to use the materials, to become familiar with that specific school and the way it operates. There’s usually a 1-3 month period of adjustment when a child starts any new school, including Montessori. Take a deep breath, stay positive, and your child will probably emerge from over that hump victoriously.

My last piece of advice is to remain respectful. Don’t badmouth your child’s teacher in front of your child. Don’t gossip to other parents. Seek out the teacher to clarify something that your child passed on to you that you don’t understand. Talk to the teacher on the phone or meet at the school during non-school hours, without your child present. You can let your child know that you are working on helping them feel better at school without giving them all the details.

If you are considering homeschooling with Montessori, you face a slightly different set of challenges, although much of this post is applicable to your situation as well. See this post about Homeschooling with Montessori for more info.

Parents, any words of advice on how to choose a school or how to help your child adjust to Montessori? Teachers, any advice for parents considering Montessori?

Other helpful links:

Top Ten Reasons to Be Glad You’ve Chosen Montessori for Your Child
Bringing Montessori Discipline Into the Home
What Montessori Really Looks Like

I found myself saying this to my 6-year-old daughter the other day and afterward, began to think about the implications of that statement.

This MSN Mental Health article warns us that the results of a 24-year-long survey of college students indicate a serious rise in a narcissistic approach to living.

“We need to stop endlessly repeating ‘You’re special’ and having children repeat that back,” said the study’s lead author, Professor Jean Twenge of San Diego State University. “Kids are self-centered enough already.” I’m not sure I agree with this statement, but I do think it’s important to consider how we praise children and the kind of feedback we give them.

The hallmarks of narcissism are:

• lack of empathy
• inability to cope with criticism
• favoring self over all others, to the detriment of personal and business relationships
• manipulative and deceitful behavior
• controlling and violent behavior

According to the survey, today’s college students are much more prone than their predecessors to answer yes to statements like these:

I think I am a special person.
If I ruled the world, it would be a better place.
I can live my life any way I want to.

When I look at data like this, I find it noteworthy that one can view such statements as either a sign of terrific confidence or of a sign that someone is on the verge of developing a Napoleon complex. If living life the way you want to means you’re going to go tend to injured dolphins in the Pacific Ocean, that sounds great to me. But if it means you want to conquer another country and rule them with a dictatorial hand…we may have a problem here. I think this dilemma calls for a re-examination of the phrase self-esteem.

What Is Healthy Self-Esteem?

Most experts agree that having healthy self-esteem includes being able to accurately assess yourself and your strengths and weaknesses. It does not mean that you think you are perfect, or better than anyone else. It means that we see ourselves as valuable contributors to our families and communities; we have something worthwhile to offer.

If children are spoiled or indulged, or alternately ignored or criticized, it becomes difficult for them to to have true humility, to make the effort of self-improvement, and to recognize the rights of others. Children are intrinsically valuable, simply for existing. While they absolutely should learn about the importance of making moral choices, their self-worth cannot be completely based on their behavior. Our love and approval should be unconditional, and when we are disappointed by their poor choices, our message should be clear: we disapprove of what you’ve done, but not of who you are.

The Importance of Unconditional Love

It’s natural and normal for parents to view their children as miraculous, astonishing and wonderful little people. Infants and children must feel cherished and loved in order to develop normally, both physically and emotionally. In loving families, new babies elicit a reaction of absolute delight just by being themselves! While I recognize the hazard of heaping a child with meaningless praise, I am equally convinced of the hazard of not giving young children any recognition and appreciation.

In this life, we are all destined to run into both good and bad apples when we make forays into the world. We meet people who respect us and others who want to take advantage of us. But never again do we meet with a quality of acceptance quite as magnificent as the one we knew as children, if our parents loved us. I believe that parents and teachers who demonstrate clearly to children that they have inherent value simply because they exist, are doing the most important thing they can to protect children from being deceived and abused by the bad apples they will run into in adulthood.

A grown woman may refuse to accept an abusive boyfriend’s belittling image of herself. A grown man may stand up to a situation that is beneath his dignity in the workplace. All because, once upon a time, important adults told them they were valuable.

It Starts with Us

Maria Montessori taught that the child’s work was to attain a discernment between good and evil. The child’s cues come from us – the grownups. This means that our first work is to examine our own moral code and be mindful of the examples we are setting. Do you know what determines all of our values and behavior? Relationships. It is our relationships that shape us. The importance of having supportive adults in a child’s life simply cannot be overstated.

The best thing is that teachers and parents can do is to consistently love, care, protect, and encourage the children in their care. It’s okay for kids to know that they are special to the people who love them. If they are given unconditional love, moral guidance, and constructive feedback regarding their behavior, children will develop healthy self-esteem that leads to good choices and success further down the road.

I felt like talking to Andrea could help us, as parents and teachers, better understand how Montessori shapes a child’s mind, and what kind of adults our Montessori children will turn out to be.

Lori: Hi, Andrea! Thanks for taking some time to answer my questions.

Andrea: You are very welcome!

Lori: Let’s start at the beginning. Where did you attend Montessori school and for how long?

Andrea: I attended Westside Montessori Center in Toledo, OH from the age of 3 1/2 through 6th grade.

Lori: Wow, so you were in Montessori for a long time! Why did your parents choose Montessori for you?

Andrea: I learned how to read on my own by the age of 2. My parents were running their own business, and my younger sister had just been born. They realized I needed stimulation. A family friend recommended Montessori to them. My father says that as soon as he walked in, he knew it was right for me.

Lori: What are some favorite memories from being in Montessori school?

Andrea: I loved the feeling of independence and following what I wanted to learn. I loved the close relationships and mutual respect I had with my teachers. I always got my work done so that I could also sit and read in the book corner. The owner of the school had a golden retriever who came to school every day and served as a surrogate pet for years.

For French class we got to go to both Canada and France for true cultural experiences. In 6th grade, I wrote a play and we put it on for our parents. I still have the videotape somewhere.

Lori: That sounds amazing, like you truly had the freedom to study what appealed to you. I know you love all the Montessori materials, but what was your favorite?

Andrea: I was a total math nerd, and I loved the spindle boxes when I was little and the test tube division in Elementary. As an educator, I love the moveable alphabet and the golden bead material.

Lori: Now for the nitty-gritty. How do you feel that Montessori impacted you – academically, emotionally, psychologically?

Andrea: For both my sister and me, Montessori taught us to be independent studiers and thinkers. If we want to know about something, we dive into learning as much about it as we can. We can question authority when appropriate, yet are respectful of rules and boundaries. I don’t want to sound like a rebel, but I’m not a conformist, either.

We both have been able to do whatever we set our minds to and be successful. I also learned how to be an observer of people, which as a Montessori educator is essential.

Lori: Would you choose Montessori for your own kids and why?

Andrea: Yes, I definitely would! Having grown up in Montessori, it is just the most natural route for me to go. Plus, the home I grew up in was naturally Montessori, even if my parents didn’t realize it at the time. For me, there is no other option.

Lori: What’s something helpful that Montessori parents and teachers should know about what it’s like for a child to be in a Montessori program?

Andrea: I find that parents often worry that children will have too much trouble adapting when they leave Montessori. While there is a period of adjustment, it’s no different than any time you change schools, churches, or move to a different neighborhood.

Usually, we Montessori children have been given tools to help us adapt well to different circumstances, or at least how to cope with change. It’s often the parents who have trouble adjusting.

Lori: That’s a great point – we sometimes project our own fears about change on our kids, don’t we?

Andrea: Yes, we do. It helps to realize that.

Lori: Someone on my Montessori Facebook page asked a great question. They wondered if children with a Montessori education have a hard time adjusting to life in the workplace.

In other words, is it hard to follow a schedule, deadlines, etc. when you’ve had so much freedom to pursue learning on your own timetable?

Andrea: I think we become used to thinking outside of the box, and it can be frustrating if and when we end up working for more rigid people. Just like with any job, it’s important to find the job within the career that best suits your personality. There is usually someone out there who respects and appreciates your unique way of thinking.

Often we are able to bring more to the table because we have learned how to work with other people, negotiate, plan, and bring out our creative sides. My sister and I were both taught how to be leaders in our own rights, and have gone on to do so in our respective careers.

As deadlines are a part of the natural world, we are used to following and meeting them. Schedules can provide an outline of what we need to do with our time. I personally function best with having a routine, and the freedom to do what I want within those parameters.

I think each individual in general will have their own issues, but not necessarily because they are Montessori children. We just get singled out because we are a subset of society.

Lori: Andrea, thank you so much for your time. This has been awesome, and for me, it’s only confirmed that I am doing the right thing by promoting Montessori and by having my own children in Montessori education.

Andrea: Thank you for having me at your blog!

Just a note: I’m pretty sure Andrea will come by to check on comments, so if you have any other thoughts or questions for her, please go ahead and leave a comment!

School was a one-room schoolhouse in the middle of the prairie. My dad and his brothers and sisters rode to school in a one-horse sleigh, often picking the teacher up on the way. For several years he was the only child in his grade.

His parents hoped that the children would take over the family farm when they grew up, but my dad had other dreams. He decided to become a preacher. He pursued going to college even though money was tight.

After serving for several years as the pastor of a small church, and then for several years as a professor, he became pastor of a large church in Chicago in 1980. I was eight years old. My sisters and I lived our formative years in the spotlight, with many expectations for what a pastor’s daughter should be.

As the oldest in the family, and with a strong-willed and outspoken personality, the pressure on me seemed especially intense. But it was always outside pressure. My parents both gave me the freedom to be myself without making me feel like I had to do things the way other people expected.

No matter what house we lived in, my dad always had an “office”, even if it meant his daughters shared a room. The door to his office was almost always open, and he made sure we knew that if we ever needed to talk to him, we could. Many times I would go in his office, sit down, share my problems, and feel a weight lift as he gave me thoughtful advice.

My sisters and I watched closely to see if my dad practiced in real life what he preached in the pulpit, and he did. We knew we could trust him.

When I think about my dad, these things stand out:

• He is a good listener
• He gives great advice
• He prays for me every day
• He loves me unconditionally

Without these four things, I’m convinced that I would not be the happy, successful person that I am today.

This picture of me and my dad is one of my all-time favorites. I was about nine months old, and according to my mom, I had been very sick with a high fever. They had been up most of the night taking care of me. I’ve always liked it because my dad looks tired but he’s holding me so sweetly.

Dad, I love you and thank you for the excellent job you did in providing for our family and guiding us. I am proud to be your daughter! Happy Father’s Day!

Happy Father’s Day to all the dads out there who work so hard for their families. We salute you!

Speaking generally, mothers are also more likely to help their children with homework and to volunteer at school or with extracurricular activities. And moms are usually the primary educators if the family has chosen homeschooling as an option.

The good news, according to the American Sociological Association, is that the time fathers spend with their children has doubled in the past 40 years. The bad news is that over 50% of fathers report being involved very little or not at all in their children’s education.

All children benefit from having their fathers involved at home and school. The U.S. Department of Education says that children are more likely to do well academically, participate in activities, and have a positive attitude about school when their fathers are involved. This appears to be especially important for students who have learning disabilities.

Divorce can make it even more difficult for a father to be involved. I remember when I was teaching, there were times that I had to schedule two parent/teacher conferences for a child: one with the mother (and possibly stepfather) and one with the father (and possibly stepmother).

And you know what? I was happy to do it, because I could definitely see the positive effects when both parents were involved in a child’s education, even when the parents themselves didn’t get along.

So, is there a way for fathers to be more involved? I think so. Let’s look at a few.

Ways Fathers Can Be More Involved

1. One of the simplest things you can do is to take the time to ask your child what she learned that day, then to listen and ask questions about it. Children want to know that their fathers are interested in what they think, and fathers can learn a lot about their children when they take the time to listen.

2. Join a support community or message board for dads involved in their children’s education. Not only will you get ideas about how to support your children’s education, you’ll be a part of a community that values the importance of fathers in their kids’ lives.

3. Dads can teach incredibly important life skills – how an air conditioner works, how to repair a car engine, how to plant a garden, why a checkbook must be balanced – just by interacting with their children and getting them involved in every day life.

4. If your family homeschools, try to take a day off of work during the school year to observe their homeschooling so that you know what goes on during that time. Plan some educational activities that you can be a part of.

5. Go on family “field trips” on the weekends. A fun filled day at the zoo or beach with your children can be a perfect opportunity for you to guide them in hands-on learning.

6. Read to your children and have them read to you. Set aside a specific time (before bed, perhaps) and make it a daily ritual.

7. Take your child with you to work. Not only will it give him a visual representation of what you do when you mention “work,” but he’ll have a chance to observe workplace skills like communication, time-management, and teamwork, beyond what he’ll learn about your specific job.

8. Involve yourself in your children’s formal education. Volunteer at school. Become familiar with your child’s curriculum so that you can support his or her learning. If you homeschool, find educational projects that you can do with your children.

9. Tell your child that you love them, and tell them often. ‘Father love’ sustains a child through negative peer pressure and gives them strength to make tough choices and avoid destructive behavior. My dad used to tell me and my sisters that he loved us every day, sometimes running out to the car as we backed out of the driveway to go to school (once we were in high school and driving) to come to the car window and say “I love you!” We were slightly embarrassed but also highly pleased that we always knew our dad loved us.

10. Help your children set goals for the year, both academic and personal. Periodically check in with them to see how they are doing, and think of ways you can support their goals.

11. Use time with your children to impart to them something they can’t learn from textbooks: your values. It’s from you that they’ll learn about good sportsmanship, honesty, loyalty, and hard work.

12. Take a special interest in an academic area, and create a special time for it with your children. Start a writing club, and spend one Friday night a month researching, writing and revising at a local bookstore with your children. Or start an architect’s club, and use weekend time to build a clubhouse in your backyard.

13. Build a relationship with your child’s teacher. If they have an email list, ask that you be added so that you can receive email updates about class activities. When you drop off your child or pick them up from school, make a point of saying “hi” to your child’s teacher. Keep the lines of communication open so that you can approach them if necessary. And be sure to attend your child’s parent/teacher conferences.

You Can Do It!

Fathers, your job is of utmost importance! Your child’s relationship with you is the number one factor that influences their academic success, their relationships, their decisions about drugs and alcohol, and their career prospects. Use that influence for good, and amazing things will happen!

My own father was a hugely positive influence in my life. You might enjoy reading my tribute to my dad.

Then, after the loss of my stillborn daughter in 1996 (my first baby), Mother’s Day became painful for me. I struggled with knowing that I was a mom but not really feeling like I was a mom. I wondered if I would ever really feel like I was a mother.

In 2000, my son was born and Mother’s Day became joyful again. As I celebrate today, I can think of my firstborn daughter with love and only a little bit of pain. And my two living children are so dear to me that I cannot imagine life without them.

My own mother has shaped my life enormously. Born into a poverty-stricken family, her own mother incapacitated by chronic illness, she suffered as a child. She never had the guidance and nurturing of a mother in her life. As the oldest daughter in the family, she was the one who mothered her brothers and sisters.

When she married my dad and became a pastor’s wife, she had a lot to learn. Dear friends took her under their wing and showed her how to decorate a home, set a table, and entertain large groups of people. She was a quick study, and our home growing up was lovely and filled with hospitality.

There are several things that my mom can do much better than I can, no matter how much I try. They include:

1. Folding a fitted sheet
2. Pinning a corsage
3. Tying a bow on a dress
4. Chopping an onion
5. Ironing a shirt

Maybe these skills date back to the days of “home ec”? Hopefully with practice someday I can master them too.

I will never forget all the things my mom has taught me, like how to care for my home and family, how to cook, and how to be kind and loving to other people. She has given me more than just my brown eyes and brown hair; it’s from her that I get my love of nature, of reading, and of music. (See picture: me and my mom this past Christmas).

I don’t think my parents had even heard of Montessori when I was growing up (although they’ve sure heard plenty now), but my mom likes to say, “I did Montessori with you girls without even knowing it!” She had us cooking and cleaning alongside her from an early age, and allowed us plenty of free time to pursue our own interests. She frequently read aloud to us and encouraged us to read.

My mom always told me to use my intellect to help others, and it’s probably her encouragement that gave me the courage to start my Montessori business. She frequently tells me how proud she is of my family and my business, and even though I’m an adult, her words mean a lot to me.

It’s a joy to watch her interact with my own children, and I am so thankful they have a loving and involved grandma in their lives. My mom has set a standard of mothering and grandmothering that I can only hope to aspire to, and it is with love that I say today, “Happy Mother’s Day, mom!”

Happy Mother’s Day wishes to all the moms out there – you are doing a great job!

While we don’t necessarily need to involve our children in the trendy issues of our day, the fact is that an understanding of how to preserve and protect our environment is a priceless gift to give our children. Because children learn through action, here are some tactile ideas for celebrating our earth on Earth Day and every day.

1. Plant a mini garden in containers in your home or classroom. Choose hearty vegetables and/or herbs. Allow children to learn to care for the plants, making sure they receive adequate water, light, and food. If you have the space, create a compost bin and use the compost to fertilize plants.

2. Have children use a chart to track the amount of trash thrown away each day. Begin to use cloth napkins and reusable containers and chart the difference in the amount of trash.

3. Try to walk, not drive. Not only will children benefit from the fresh air and exercise, they will help reduce the greenhouse gas emissions created by driving. Kids can be encouraged to walk to school, or families can walk to the store or a park.

4. Complete an energy audit. Look around your home or classroom to determine avoidable waste. Choose one way you can conserve energy for the remainder of the school year (turn out lights, seal drafty areas around windows, etc.).

5. Walk to a local park to pick up trash, or pick up trash around your neighborhood or school building. Not only will you make it more beautiful, you’ll eliminate harmful waste. My kids and I walked around our neighborhood the other day collecting trash, and discovered that most of it was cans, bottles, and paper so we could throw it straight into the recycle bin.

6. Change light bulbs in lamps to compact fluorescent light bulbs, which use 75% less energy. Encourage children to spread the word about fluorescent bulbs to friends, family, and neighbors!

7. Choose a nice day to experience an outdoor classroom. Take advantage of children’s curiosity and enthusiasm to experience nature through all the senses. Listen for musical sounds in nature, smell the flowers, or try to count the blades of grass. Bring sketch pads and draw an outdoor scene. Pull up a weed and examine the parts of the plant.

8. Begin to recycle if you don’t already. Or, find a new type of material or container to recycle. Have children learn to identify and sort different types of recycling and, if possible, take a field trip to a local recycling center to see where the goods are taken.

9. Have children choose and learn about one environmental issue that specifically affects the area in which you live. Make a plan about the steps that can be taken to address the issue, and have children write a letter to their state representative explaining the issue and possible solutions.

10. Celebrate Earth Day to bring awareness to ways that children can change the environment for the positive. Allow children to choose tangible ways to celebrate, such as using solar power to make sun tea, planting a tree, making posters and decorations from recycled goods, or having a recycling carnival.

This year’s Earth Day begins a year of celebrating The Green Generation Campaign. Our children are truly in a unique position to become a green generation, and we are entrusted with giving them the tools to understand the social, political, and industrial consequences of how they treat the earth.

For more information on this year’s Earth Day and how you can involve your students, visit the following resources online:

Earth Day Network
Earth Day for Classrooms
Earth Day Guide

Check out some other posts on this topic:

Getting Ready for Earth Day, Montessori-style from the Montessori for Everyone blog

Celebrating Earth Day in the Montessori Community from the North American Montessori Center Blog

Earth Day 2009: Celebrating Peace and Environmental Awareness in the Montessori Classroom from the North American Montessori Center Blog

Any other Earth Day traditions or suggestions? Please share!